The Rapture Arriveth

All together now! (10.00 / 4)

NINE TWENTY-TWO!

NINE TWENTY-TWO!

NINE TWENTY-TWO!

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by: Diane G @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 15:09:27 PM CDT

have I told you how much I love you? (11.00 / 2)

Now you have me dreaming of all the theater, music jams and dog shows we can do in those empty mega churches up the road ;)

thou hast made this atheist's day!

"From where Winston stood it was just possible to read, picked out on its white face in elegant lettering, the three slogans of the Party:
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH."
Orwell-1984

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by: M_A @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 15:49:06 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

I dub thee (0.00 / 0)

a GOD!

Since that will no longer have any meaning whatsoever after tomorrow. Maybe we can all start naming our dogs "God" and "Jesus" now, just cuz we like the way ot sounds when we say, "Jesus, wanna go outside." or.. "God, I told you OUT OF MY KITCHEN!"

buwahahahaha

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by: Diane G @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 15:51:43 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Hey M A, (8.00 / 2)

 Did you ever move on that hot tip I sent you about the pet service for the folks worried about their animals when they're raptured up?

I'm telling ya, You should have jumped on the franchise opportunity.

The difference is that on the "left" there isn't much of a "left," and hasn't been much of a "left" left since the late 1960s.

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by: Louise @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 16:45:06 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

9/22 the new 4/20! (9.00 / 1)

Start early and save. Or UN-save! Or whatevah!

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by: Diane G @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 16:08:41 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

They think they can take it with them (8.00 / 4)

to the Rapture.  I read one of them:  "I've got a bag packed."

They probably think they can still get NASCAR and football on the TV once they're raptured away.

Worse than it ever was ...

Worse than it ever was ...

Worse than it ever was ...

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by: aristeides @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 15:32:15 PM CDT

that explains the rows of (0.00 / 0)

moving vans and brinks trucks on the roads today.

heeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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by: Diane G @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 15:48:57 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Right on (6.00 / 1)

really funny and true stuff...

there is catastrophe coming of course. It's unavoidable and nearly imminent. But the Lord isn't coming to save them, but to kill them for being the little humorless, maggot-ridden zombie anti-Christs they are.

g.

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by: gottlieb @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 16:00:20 PM CDT

Ummmm (0.00 / 0)

I don't think he sorts.

Proof?

Reality, repeated.

But its a sweet dream nonetheless.

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by: Diane G @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 16:05:16 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

of course She sorts - (10.50 / 2)

it's called evolution...natural selection. From time to time She weeds out the boors. And I'm not talking about God but Earth.

And their God, the He God, they're meeting up in the air? Jesus and Jehovah? Think the penultimate scene in Raiders where after the Ark is opened and at first the vision is beautiful and then the Nazi scientist sees his nirvana turn to pure evil? That's what I'm talking about, because any real God, can tell the cool people from the jerk-offs.

g.

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by: gottlieb @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 16:27:39 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Why, yes. Yes, I can. (8.00 / 1)

You get to stay :)

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by: Diane G @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 16:29:13 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

c'mon, get in the spirit: (0.00 / 0)

we can be serious tomorrow. That would be a good essay, actually.

Jeeeeez oh petes, an essay in which I used pot references repeatedly, naughty a few times and nipple & naked at least once, you should at least be in a good mood, if not laughing your ass off.

Man, now I know I'm getting old.

Can't remotely arouse a virtual-stranger. Check.
Can't even distract them from reality. Check.
Can't even make them laugh at you. Check.

Hell, bring on the end times, its all over but the roses anyway. he

h.

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by: Diane G @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 16:39:20 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

I said (0.00 / 0)

it was funny and true. Discretion is the better part of valor.

The mood is partly due to my next piece which I just finished...

besos,

g.

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by: gottlieb @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 17:36:25 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Hey (0.00 / 0)

I know, I'm just in a mood, and want to give out grins, gahd knows every other bit of reality is a buzz kill. Sometimes you have to laugh to not cry, dig?

Work early tomorrow, looking forward to new piece.

besos back,

d

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by: Diane G @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 19:36:34 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

WTF? (9.00 / 1)

...and I thought I was prone to stumbling over odd sites on bored days.

 My life has suddenly become unimaginably simple. I'll just go in and delete all the bill pays from the checking accnt, cancel appts and get busy stocking up on party supplies.

The difference is that on the "left" there isn't much of a "left," and hasn't been much of a "left" left since the late 1960s.

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by: Louise @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 16:42:40 PM CDT

Ohhh thats a plan, babygirl! (9.00 / 1)

Just leave the bengay home this time. Stoned people make mistakes.

You can thank Pharyngula for this tidbit, he upped it this AM, but I couldn't play with it until after work.

Just pick up an RV from one of your Blessedly Heavenated neighbors and zoom on up for the bash!

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by: Diane G @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 16:49:46 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Best of RAPTURE Tweets: (8.00 / 1)

laid in backyard... version of bible in hand, blondie's "rapture" on & still here, what's up w/ that? || Wrong versn of Bible?

***************

What time does this #rapture shit happen? / We're losing valuable daylight looting time!

***************

Did I miss the rapture? Am I left behind? Where's Kirk Cameron?

***************

I think we need a Rapture Czar . It's clearly not working as planned or my idiot neighbor would be gone.

**************

I'm fuzzy on th rapture thing, I missed the part where god is watching liberals & interest rates for rapture timing.

*************

let me get this right, you believe in the rapture but think single payer is crazy? do everyone a favor and up the voltage

********************************************

I am dying here, just dying of humor.

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by: Diane G @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 17:03:11 PM CDT

I can't quite figure out what's going (8.00 / 1)

up and down on the time-wave graph.

Like, the appearance of Adam was sort of a neutral, baseline event, true.  Ditto for the birth of Abraham; ditto for the birth of Jesus Christ.  Just kind of neutral, ho-hum stuff.

Then there is this big peak for the reign of King David, and I guess the end of Jesus' 1000 Year rule, which would constitute the End of Days, huh?  

Why does the reign of King David rate higher than the birth or life of Jesus?

And what were those (I guess) really "lows" that occurred about 1000 years after Adam, and also about 1000 years after Christ?  

And then the Rapture itself is just a baseline event; the next really big high is 1000 years from now, after Christ's 1000 year reign when we get to the real End of Days.  

The destruction of Earth is a high point?

Count me out.

Maybe I can find a copy of that old Jack Benny movie, "The Horn Blows at Midnight".  Same event, but a lot funnier.

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by: grunmann @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 17:10:06 PM CDT

The whole website is full (7.50 / 2)

of totally nonsensical graphy goodness, good for laughs anyway.

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by: Diane G @ Mon Sep 21, 2009 at 17:19:38 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Lol (0.00 / 0)

I had to get offline last night after looking at that website.  I was rofl and told my husband he better call and say goodbye to his born again daughters...lol.  The way I read it was that it is midnight tonight.  Today I am waiting for news of the disappearences.  I especially liked the part at the end where they wanted to send all the free stuff and asked for your email address, guess whoever has this site isn't being raptured today :(

Always, some are further ahead than others.

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by: iatia @ Tue Sep 22, 2009 at 10:58:58 AM CDT

'that' site not this one! (0.00 / 0)

but then again, this one too I guess..lol.  Oh, and also, I didn't realize until reading 'that' site that there would actually by TWO raptures....ohmigod, I am so confused.

Always, some are further ahead than others.

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by: iatia @ Tue Sep 22, 2009 at 11:04:01 AM CDT

[ Parent ]